There’s a Southern Baptist movement to “get tough on divorce” that sounds laudable on the surface. Divorce is hard on everyone, especially the children. If there’s a path to reconciliation or a way to ease the transition, it’s good for everyone. If the Southern Baptist Church wants to help, that’s great.
But they don’t.
When you actually dig in to what their “get tough” campaign really means, it turns out all they care about is not embarrassing the Southern Baptist Church. I was appalled at the anti-family tone of their resolution, On The Scandal of Southern Baptist Divorce. You’d think getting tough on divorce meant supporting families, but if you actually read it, it’s really about the Church.
Just start with the title to see where it’s going: Divorce scandalizes the church.
Let’s check the actual text of their resolution (emphasis added):
- “… studies have indicated that conservative Protestants in the United States of America are divorcing at the same rate, if not at higher rates, than the general population”
- “… areas where Southern Baptist churches predominate in number often have higher divorce rates“
- “… we express our further conviction that a denomination defined missiologically ought to recognize how damaging Southern Baptist accommodation to the divorce culture is to our global witness for Christ…”
Yes, they do claim that counseling should also be given. But that’s nearly useless — these people have no meaningful training in family counseling. A licensed MFT (Marriage and Family Therapist) has a full year of graduate school, followed by a year-long internship, followed by a challenging state test. A LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) takes two years of graduate school, followed by a 3,000-hour supervised internship, then a very difficult state test. Licensed therapists know what they’re doing, and can actually help.
Clergy? Not so much. Sadly, state laws have a “religion exception” that allows unqualified people to do family and marriage therapy by simply claiming to be clergy. It’s scandalous. But that’s a topic for another blog.
If their Resolution isn’t enough to convince you, read Southern Baptist Theological Seminary president Rev. Albert Mohler’s essay, Divorce—The Scandal of the Evangelical Conscience. His writings, and all the others I could find, only give lip service to the welfare of the actual families. Instead, you find stuff like this:
- Mohler contends high divorce rates make it hard for evangelicals to claim moral high ground.
- Christian divorce is “an indictment of evangelical failure and a monumental scandal of the evangelical conscience.”
- The high rate of evangelical Protestants divorces “creates a significant credibility crisis when evangelicals then rise to speak in defense of marriage.”
- “An even greater tragedy is the collapse of church discipline within congregations … divorce is considered only a private concern,” that is, none of the church’s business.
Do you see anything in that list that shows a genuine concern for the family? No. It’s all about Christianity’s reputation.
This was coming from the president of the convention.
Mohler’s essay has one paragraph that started to get my hopes up. Three sentences are devoted to the husband, wife and children. But then the last sentence blows all of that out of the water:
“But divorce harms many more lives than will be touched by homosexual marriage. Children are left without fathers, wives without husbands, and homes are forever broken. Fathers are separated from their children, and marriage is irreparably undermined as divorce becomes routine and accepted. Divorce is not the unpardonable sin, but it is sin, and it is a sin that is condemned in no uncertain terms.”
In other words, never mind what might be best for the family. The Bible says no divorce. End of story. Mohler’s essay ends with this:
“Divorce is now the scandal of the evangelical conscience.”
Got that? If you get divorced, you’re embarrassing evangelical Christians.
I guess we know where the President of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary stands.
I’ve been through divorce and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. At one of the lowest points in my life, I was talking with our family therapist about how awful divorce would be for my three wonderful children, and she told me this:
“There’s no doubt about it, divorce is a complete disaster for children. There’s no up side to it. Every study shows that divorce is one of the worst things that can ever happen to a child.
“The only thing worse is not getting divorced.”
In other words, keeping unhappy families together for the sake of the Church’s reputation is the worst thing you could do.
If the Christians want to show real concern for their families, they should focus on realistic family therapy, using the excellent, proven techniques that educated, licensed therapists have developed over the last few decades. They should look into why Christian families are getting more divorces than non-Christians. That would show true love.
Drawing: Se acabó el hogar, Public Domain (expired)
Recent Comments